"I wanna quit! Saya tak tahan dah!"

Working like crazy 7am-10pm (15hours) for 2 weeks straight with only one off day in between tagging. You have 1 cubicle to review by your own, 6.15am-6.30am dah kena terpacak dekat ward, if not surely tak sempat habis review.

Review patient, round dengan mo, then again round with specialist, and 3 times per day, so you are doing round 9 times per day. After round carry out plan, round, carry out plan round.. and the cycles goes on..

If you are so lucky, you akan sempat makan once per day, if not balik malam buta nanti baru makan. Balik at 10pm? haha, belum tentu, if round lambat,10.30pm/11pm baru balik. Dah habis kerja balik kena study pulak, because if you want to off tag,you need to pass asessment, one you will have MCQ test and the other with your MO ( mentor), so this one depends if you get chill MO then chill la your off tag assessment. Mine? haha..i got MO that currently doing her exam for specialist so what do you think, easy or not "so" easy..

Dah penat balik kerja, kena study pulak. Memang bye2 la within few minutes i dont know where am i already. During that tagging period, almost everyday i woke up with tears, my mouth non stop saying, "tak tahan saya nk quit, tak tahan dah", my wife will comfort me every morning "xpa syg sat ja, sabaq sat ya"

One day during tagging period, kebetulan my high school friend arrange a futsal that night, because im so stressed, after 10pm punchout,i asked my wife to bring siap2 kasut and seluar track, i straight go play futsal like i have never played before run like crazy, laugh like hell till 12am. Then go back to sleep , tomorrow morning cried again haha..

By the way , my off tag assessment was she gave me 5 case and ask me to manage, she gave me 1 hour to answer, by the way this is just my off tag assessment, i just entered this department for 2 weeks, and she asked me how to manage patients?? I answered what i know,which i dont know anything and she read my answer in front of me, and each case she will give a comment, "this baby will die because you do this", "this baby might survive", "this one also die " all base on my management.. scary wey.. but good things is she teach me case by case after that..

and at my end of posting exam we will have one exam with MO and specialist, my MO exam also with her, like usual, "specialist to be style".. dia buka her phone and open app timer, then she give me case, then she said in 5 minutes i want you to manage this patient to z.. ok start.. berterabur la aku jawab haha, just based on experience for the past 4 months alhamdulillah pass, dont worry if you really work for the past 4 months the answer will come in your mind, you can even imagine your patient in your answer..

Alhamdulillah, after 4 months. Paeds department, u trained me well, i learn a lot, my brain felt a bit heavy with knowledge during paeds maybe because there were so many exams and assessments, thank you my mentor yes the one that on the way becoming a specialist, actually she is very kind and soft spoken just during exams ja scary sikit.

Betul apa orang cakap, during ho ni " mental kena kuat " only we / ourself can decide whether we want to keep on going or run away f, i remembered during my med school in moscow, that time i want to lose weight beacuse we want to look good during graduation day, so what i did is to jog everyday, i have one good friend that always challenge me if we go for running ..

he said our body will want us to stop at 2 km, but if we can control our mind we can go up to 10km.. what he said was true ,my last day in moscow i manage to jog non stop less than 1 hour for 11 km..

even until know i always said to my wife, thank you sayang sebab suruh saya sabar masa paeds dulu, if not i will not become who i am today.. and thanks to me,my self for not giving up and keep on pushing until today.. you guys also should thank yourself for doing what you are doing now too, give some credit to you, yes you..

After everything happened in paeds department...

Rupa rupanya nya Allah nak prepare diri ini untuk next posting.....